One (and Two) Liners

You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

A penny saved is a penny earned. The rest goes to the IRS.

SHIN -- device for finding furniture in the dark.

Every time I lose weight, it finds me again!

Psychoceramics -- the study of crackpots.

Money talks -- Mine says, "Good-bye!!!"

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

I'm So Humble And Modest; Boy Am I TERRIFIC!

Remember, no matter where you go, There you are!

I live so far in the country, my ZIP is EIEIO.

Do you know the first time an automobile is mentioned in the Bible? When Paul said they were all together in one accord.

If you think being meek is weak, try being meek for a week.

Don't use flattery. We all know that flattery is soft soap, and soft soap is 90% lye.

Murphy cannot separate me from the love of Christ.

What makes temptation so difficult for some people is that they don't want to discourage it completely.

When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

I'm not young enough to know everything.

When people stop believing in God, they don't belive in nothing; they believe in anything.

Pastor: "Do you ever get a bit curious as to what goes on here between Easters?"