F is for fissures and fluid retention
G is for gas (which I'd rather not mention)
and other gastrointestinal glitches
H is high blood pressure
I is for itches
J is for joints that are failing to flex
L for libido - what happened to sex?
Wait! I forgot about K for bad knees
I've got a few gaps in my M - memory)
N is for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis
O is for osteo-
P for porosis
Q is for queasiness. Fatal? Just flu?
R is for reflux - one meal becomes two
S is for sleepless nights counting my fears
T is for tinnitus - bells in my ears
U is for difficulties urinary
V is for vertigo
W is worry
About what the X - as in X ray - will find
But though the word Terminal rushes to mind,
I'm proud, as each
Y - year goes by, to reveal
A reservoir of undiminished Z - zeal.....
For checking the symptoms my body's deployed,
And keeping my twenty-six doctors employed.
Last Wishes
It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but John felt that he must.
"Mom, you are no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead
of what will happen in the future. Why don't we make arrangements about when......
you know... when.... God forbid... you pass on?"
The mother didn't say anything, just sat there staring ahead.
"I mean, Mom, like.... how do you want to finally go?
Do you wanat to be buried? Cremated?"
There was yet another long pause. Then the mother looked up and said,
"Son, why don't you simply surprise me?"
No Nursing Home for Me!
About two years ago we were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I noticed that all the staff, ship officers, waiters, busboys, etc. all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back. As we left the dining room one evening, I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises."
She replied, "Yes, that's true."
I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home."
So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess cruise ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 a day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 a day. That leaves $65 a day for:
- Gratuities will average only $10 per day.
- I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (wlhich means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
- Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
- They have free toothpaste, razors, soap and shampoo.
- They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
- I will get to meet new people every 7 to 14 days.
- TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the matress replaced? No problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience..
- Clean sheets and towels every day and you don't even have to ask for them.
- If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip, you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship, they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go.
So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship. PS And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.
Author Unknown
Who became queen by winning a beauty contest?
Ruth
Esther
Bernice
Answer
Who offered to water the camels of Abraham's servant?
Rachel
Rebekah
Gomer
Answer
Whom did the spies tell to put a scarlet ribbon in her window?
Delilah
Hagar
Rahab
Answer
What woman was an Israelite Judge and Leader?
Deborah
Sarah
Zipporah
Answer
What woman laughed when God told her she would bear a child?
Rachel
Rebekah
Sarah
Answer
What relative of Peter did Jesus heal of a fever?
Wife
Mother
Mother-in-law
Answer
What relative of Lot was turned into a pillar of salt?
Wife
Mother
Mother-in-law
Answer
Who was the wife of Moses?
Sarah
Sapphira
Zipporah
Answer
Who in the New Testament complained about doing all the housework alone?
Mary
Martha
Delilah
Answer
Who was the mother of John the Baptist?
Hagar
Hannah
Elizabeth
Answer
Who was David's first wife?
Abigail
Bathsheba
Michal
Answer
She was the wife of Boaz and the great-grandmother of King David.
Ruth
Naomi
Priscilla
Answer
Who was the mother of Jesus?
Mary
Martha
Eve
Answer
What relative of Pilate had a dream aboout Jesus?
Wife
Mother
Mother-in-law
Answer
Jesus appeared to her after his resurrection.
Naomi
Drucilla
Mary Magdalene
Answer
How was Mary, the mother of Jesus, related to Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist?
Sister
Cousin
Aunt
Answer
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