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The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.  This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.  This defect has been technically termed, "Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality," or more commonly known as SIN, as it is primarily expressed.  Some other symptoms are:

  1. Loss of direction
  2. Foul vocal emissions
  3. Amnesia of origin
  4. Lack of peace and joy
  5. Selfish, or violent behavior
  6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
  7. Fearfulness
  8. Idolatry
  9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, Who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect.  The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.  There is no additional fee required.  The toll free number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.  Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.  Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.  No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, the Repair Technician, Jesus, will replace it with:

  1. Love
  2. Joy
  3. Peace
  4. Patience
  5. Kindness
  6. Goodness
  7. Faithfulness
  8. Gentleness
  9. Self-control

Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes.  As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from a resident Maintenance Technician, the Holy Ghost.  Repaired units need only make him welcome and he will take up permanent residence on the premises!

WARNING:  Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.  For free emergency service, call on JESUS.

DANGER:  The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace.  The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention.  Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice.



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1.  How was Samson like Jesus?

(a)     An angel announced his birth
(b)     He was born in Bethlehem
(c)     His mother' name was Mary

Answer

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2 How was Samson like John the Baptist?

(a)     His mother's name was Elizabeth
(b)     His mother was barren
(c)     He preached repentance

Answer

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3.  How was Samson like David?

(a)     He became a king
(b)     His wife was given away to someone else
(c)     He killed a giant named Goliath

Answer

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4.  How was Samson like Samuel?

(a)     He was a follower of Jesus
(b)     He lived during the time of King Saul
(c)     He had long hair

Answer

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5.  How was Samson like Deborah?

(a)     He was a judge
(b)     He told riddles
(c)     He was known for his physical strength

Answer

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6.  How was Samson like Bartemaeus?

(a)     He was an apostle
(b)     He lived in the desert
(c)     He was blind

Answer

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7.  How was Samson like David?

(a)     His father's name was Jesse
(b)     He played a harp
(c)     He killed a lion

Answer

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8.  How was Samson like John the Baptist?

(a)     His announced the coming of Jesus
(b)     He was a prisoner when he died
(c)     He was stoned to death

Answer

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9.  How was Samson like Elijaht?

(a)     His went up to heaven in a whirlwind
(b)     He killed the men who tried to capture him
(c)     He called down fire from heaven

Answer

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10.  How was Samson like Jesus?

(a)     His preached in the synagogue
(b)     He healed the sick
(c)     He was betrayed for money

Answer

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11.  How was Samson like Saul?

(a)     He had two daughters
(b)     God departed from him
(c)     He visited the witch of Endor

Answer

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12.  How was Samson like the Israelites in the wilderness?

(a)     God provided water
(b)     God provided manna
(c)     God opened the Red Sea

Answer


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  • I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work.  Okay?

  • I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet…

  • I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

  • Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

  • I just found out that I was switched at birth.  Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

  • The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session.  He even gave me this "jaw restraint" so I won't bite things when I'm startled.

  • The dog ate my car keys.  We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

  • I prefer to remain an enigma.

  • I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

  • I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

  • I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

  • I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax.  I insist on paying my fair share.

  • I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!

  • I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion).  I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times.  Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.





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